i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
