she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
