you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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