who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Watching her eat just hurts me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
