ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
