Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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