I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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