I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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