I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
