I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
