Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
