I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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