Redeem this text for a blowjob
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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