you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
