the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
