I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
