I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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