dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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