i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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