now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
