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Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
