I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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