I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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