He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
