walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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