You're a womanizer and a bitch.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
