I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize