So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
