My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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