when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
