you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize