he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
