It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
