1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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