i just wanna soil my oats bro
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
