You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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