he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
