Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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