I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
