I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
