I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
