Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
