She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
