do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
time to smoke my breakfast
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
