Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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