You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
