We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
