If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
