this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
