Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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