with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
