puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
