The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
