how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize