dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
