he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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