ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am naked and annoyed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
