According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cat gives me a boner
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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