just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
