you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize