please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
