He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
