Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
