I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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