You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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