dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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