Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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