Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize