We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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