I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
