seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
