We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
