i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize