You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
