You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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