Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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