so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
