I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
