I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
