I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
