we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i've created a new STD.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
