you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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