your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize