Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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