I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
