Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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