is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
