i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
