Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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