So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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