I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
