i think my tv is drunk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
