he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Found the puke drawer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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