Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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