The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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