Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
