no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
