He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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