that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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