her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
