all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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