She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
