you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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