4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize