Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
