Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize