Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Still dying that you shit outside
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
