I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
