Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize